There are a few things that I hate when it comes to sex, bad head, a girl who can't ride, and handjobs. We will cover the other two later but HANDJOBS I don't see the appeal. Maybe if she is pulling it out as a preamble to other activities fine but why would I want you to jack me off, I can jack me off and do it better. It's like, I jerk off because I'm not getting laid I don't want someone else to do it. There are only 2 destinations for my dick my hand or a warm, wet hole that's it.
And speaking of warm, wet holes, bad head. Just because your first boyfriend from high school and every other ass you've dated told you you are good at it doesn't mean you are. And there are two types of bad head 1.) The girl who kicks around the head FAR too much, we get it, people call it head because lets face it its better than saying "hey baby suck my dick" some chicks don't mind you saying it but others may think that you think she is a whore, 2.) Girls who just put your cock in her mouth and that's it, I think it insults me as a guy to have to explain to you how to give proper head, ESPECIALLY when the dirty talk comes up and your bragging about your skills because I am going to think somebody lied to you. If I have any female readers heed my words WORK THE SHAFT, suck it for all you've got, get sloppy, do not fear the Reaper (yes. that's my cock) ask other girls I mean it comes up but if you feel a guy trying to move your head take the fucking hint. If a guy gave bad oral you'd tell him and I know you would but if we say something bad then ride fucking over. It's just common courtesy or bediquette (bed etiquette if you didn't get it, not playing you for stupid but some people).
Finally on my list girls who want to be on top but grind my nuts to a fine powder. Chickens can't fly and you madam cannot ride a dick. I mean okay some people don't mind the back and forth motion but when your sleeping with say a larger woman it causes friction and its uncomfortable I mean god bless her for trying but my pelvis is going to crack from this snu-snu. Personally I like the in and out motion but if you wanna ride feel free to move while we are in the doggy position save me some work but don't get me horizontal so you can go vertical and fuck it all up.
Strangely the last one is shorter. Probably because if I got through the first two and I am still erect then I don't care.Just God bless her for being there...on me.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Hallmark
I AM THE HALLMARK TELEVISION MOVIE OF FUCKING.
Readers you're think what the fuck is he talking about. Well all of my past relationships I get the one girl who at one point was physically attractive not just cute in the face. I get them on the down slope of they're career so to speak. I get them after they've lost that "new car feel" and have accumulated a whole shit ton of personal problems that now I have to listen to on the first fucking date.
And its shit like this that makes me so critical of women when I first meet them. Its like she seems great... now whats wrong with her. I blame my first girlfriend and don't get me wrong it was a good relationship till its downturn, but i made a commitment to myself that i would not date any more girls who have more cats than friends, Then there's the girl that I've slept with between girlfriends she was fine till she started with all her self loathing bullshit "Oh I look ugly" Oh I'm this Oh I'm that oh SHUT THE FUCK UP! Then there's the girl that said she liked me but for whatever reason it didn't go further than that. Then the girl that liked me and it kept going to us making out but stopped there. And now there is a girl I can sleep with but she is in Florida.
And to be honest its not that I don't try, believe me readers I don't want you to think "oh Murdoch you just aren't trying" it took me a while to get over my social awkwardness. I dress nice I'm intelligent well read but I get the same thing "Murdoch your so nice" "Your so funny" "why don't you have a girlfriend" well I ask myself the same question. I mean okay I'm not 160lb fit guy I'm 300 and squishy but it's not happening its not like there are female chubby chasers, and I don't see myself hitting the gym anytime soon, my breakfast of choice is a cigarette and Pepsi. I'm in my early 20's I want to be out there meeting women I want to have an illegitimate child that i wont know about till I'm 40.
I put myself out there a good friend told me the worst they can say is no then you right back where you started. But the truth is the worst they can say to you is "I think of you as a friend" and or brother. And I've been told I am little brother cute and let us be honest know body wants to fuck someones little brother, little sister sure but I lack a vagina and if i did have one I would be a lesbian. And if it isn't them thinking I look like a little brother for some god unknown reason some chicks think I'm gay HOW what did i do when i met you made you think i was gay. Was it that I didn't hit on you when i met you, well to be honest i like to figure out what the girl is about before i try to plunge my self into really knowing the person.
I don't know readers maybe this is my life maybe I have to wait till my 30's to find someone who sees me for who I am but I honestly lack the patience, I want to experience every flavor before i settle down, I don't want to have to weed myself through the catacombs of 30-something divorcees before I find the one who isn't damaged goods, or has kids, or is still talking to her ex because there are things that have to be worked out. I don't want to have to pull my hair out while someone tries to figure out what THEY want shouldn't you already know?
Readers you're think what the fuck is he talking about. Well all of my past relationships I get the one girl who at one point was physically attractive not just cute in the face. I get them on the down slope of they're career so to speak. I get them after they've lost that "new car feel" and have accumulated a whole shit ton of personal problems that now I have to listen to on the first fucking date.
And its shit like this that makes me so critical of women when I first meet them. Its like she seems great... now whats wrong with her. I blame my first girlfriend and don't get me wrong it was a good relationship till its downturn, but i made a commitment to myself that i would not date any more girls who have more cats than friends, Then there's the girl that I've slept with between girlfriends she was fine till she started with all her self loathing bullshit "Oh I look ugly" Oh I'm this Oh I'm that oh SHUT THE FUCK UP! Then there's the girl that said she liked me but for whatever reason it didn't go further than that. Then the girl that liked me and it kept going to us making out but stopped there. And now there is a girl I can sleep with but she is in Florida.
And to be honest its not that I don't try, believe me readers I don't want you to think "oh Murdoch you just aren't trying" it took me a while to get over my social awkwardness. I dress nice I'm intelligent well read but I get the same thing "Murdoch your so nice" "Your so funny" "why don't you have a girlfriend" well I ask myself the same question. I mean okay I'm not 160lb fit guy I'm 300 and squishy but it's not happening its not like there are female chubby chasers, and I don't see myself hitting the gym anytime soon, my breakfast of choice is a cigarette and Pepsi. I'm in my early 20's I want to be out there meeting women I want to have an illegitimate child that i wont know about till I'm 40.
I put myself out there a good friend told me the worst they can say is no then you right back where you started. But the truth is the worst they can say to you is "I think of you as a friend" and or brother. And I've been told I am little brother cute and let us be honest know body wants to fuck someones little brother, little sister sure but I lack a vagina and if i did have one I would be a lesbian. And if it isn't them thinking I look like a little brother for some god unknown reason some chicks think I'm gay HOW what did i do when i met you made you think i was gay. Was it that I didn't hit on you when i met you, well to be honest i like to figure out what the girl is about before i try to plunge my self into really knowing the person.
I don't know readers maybe this is my life maybe I have to wait till my 30's to find someone who sees me for who I am but I honestly lack the patience, I want to experience every flavor before i settle down, I don't want to have to weed myself through the catacombs of 30-something divorcees before I find the one who isn't damaged goods, or has kids, or is still talking to her ex because there are things that have to be worked out. I don't want to have to pull my hair out while someone tries to figure out what THEY want shouldn't you already know?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
My current situation
My situation goes like this, I'm 24, I live with my parents and i live in Anjung-Ri, South Korea. Why S.Korea? Well until this point I have never been outside of the U.S. so when my mom got a job out here I quit my jobs sold my car and bought a ticket. To be honest I was expecting a major CULTURE SHOCK, but believe it or not besides the food, and women there isn't too much of a difference.The food is pretty good if you've never had Korean food I recommend starting with bulgogi it's thinly sliced beef marinated in a semi sweet marinade and with some rice and a tiny bit of kimchee (super spicy cabbage) its fucking bomb. Also the women are a bit more conservative than Americans (I've described it as dating in the 50's), unless they're drunk and even then don't expect more than some full on hardcore flirting, but it varies from person to person. Myself being a 300 pound black guy not to mention I'm a bit of a geek it may not bode well in my case but who knows. ANYWHO my hope was when I got here it would be easy to get a job but turns out the military bases have an agreement with the Korean government that they must hire x% of Korean nationals(KN) as part of something known as a SOFA agreement so most of the time when I get an interview (which is rare) it is so that I am the token American that they interviewed and that my skills were not seen to be "useful" for the same position that back home I would be almost over qualified for and since I do not have a Bachelors Degree I can't teach English. On the bright side I am a substitute teacher for the schools on the military posts so now I pray that these little bastards sneeze on everything that moves at least then I know I know i have money coming in.
But as long as I have adventures in Korea or Japan or wherever the hell I end up in my journey i will be sure to tell the good bits here. (and maybe the bad bits....if its funny.)
However I do not want to make my first blog post just me bitching about unemployment and my innate ability to have no woman come withing 8 inches of my cock. Nor do i want anyone reading this to think that S. Korea sux it doesn't actually its the most fun you'll have as long as you have the money to go out i mean the drink of choice is is soju which is basically Korean moonshine and at 1,300 (1.30 give or take) won a pop you only need 1 maybe 2 bottles before your stumbling your way to the bar which makes pre-gaming cheap and fun even better there is no public drunkenness law here you can be passed out in the street and the cops just pass right by I've never been there but I've seen others its no big deal and you can drink AT the convenience store.
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