Hallmark

I AM  THE HALLMARK TELEVISION MOVIE OF FUCKING.

Readers you're think what the fuck is he talking about. Well all of my past relationships I get the one girl who at one point was physically attractive not just cute in the face. I get them on the down slope of they're career so to speak. I get them after they've lost that "new car feel" and have accumulated a whole shit ton of personal problems that now I have to listen to on the first fucking date.

And its shit like this that makes me so critical of women when I first meet them. Its like she seems great... now whats wrong with her. I blame my first girlfriend and don't get me wrong it was a good relationship till its downturn, but i made a commitment to myself that i would not date any more girls who have more cats than friends, Then there's the girl that I've slept with between girlfriends she was fine till she started with all her self loathing bullshit "Oh I look ugly" Oh I'm this Oh I'm that oh SHUT THE FUCK UP! Then there's the girl that said she liked me but for whatever reason it didn't go further than that. Then the girl that liked me and it kept going to us making out but stopped there. And now there is a girl I can sleep with but she is in Florida.

And to be honest its not that I don't try, believe me readers I don't want you to think "oh Murdoch you just aren't trying" it took me a while to get over my social awkwardness. I dress nice I'm intelligent well read but  I get the same thing "Murdoch your so nice" "Your so funny" "why don't you have a girlfriend" well I ask myself the same question. I mean okay I'm not 160lb fit guy I'm 300 and squishy but it's not happening its not like there are female chubby chasers, and I don't see myself hitting the gym anytime soon, my breakfast of choice is a cigarette and Pepsi. I'm in my early 20's I want to be out there meeting women I want to have an illegitimate child that i wont know about till I'm 40.

I put myself out there a good friend told me the worst they can say is no then you right back where you started. But the truth is the worst they can say to you is "I think of you as a friend" and or brother. And I've been told I am little brother cute and let us be honest know body wants to fuck someones little brother, little sister sure but I lack a vagina and if i did have one I would be a lesbian. And if it isn't them thinking I look like a little brother for some god unknown reason some chicks think I'm gay HOW what did i do when i met you made you think i was gay. Was it that I didn't hit on you when i met you, well to be honest i like to figure out what the girl is about before i try to plunge my self into really knowing the person.

I don't know readers maybe this is my life maybe I have to wait till my 30's to find someone who sees me for who I am but I honestly lack the patience, I want to experience every flavor before i settle down, I don't want to have to weed myself through the catacombs of 30-something divorcees before I find the one who isn't damaged goods, or has kids, or is still talking to her ex because there are things that have to be worked out. I don't want to have to pull my hair out while someone tries to figure out what THEY want shouldn't you already know?